So I had been dating CJ for the last 5 and half years. We never faught and things always seemed perfect. Except every other year or so he would say that he needed space, was to young to settle down and need time to think. with in weeks if not days he would come back saying he missed me and like a stupid freaking idiot I would take him back every danm time.

So in May the asshole moved out and pulled the "I'm going through some things right now and need to find myself" bullshit. Less than a week later he is calling and asking me to hand out.

During all the previous breaks he had never dated anyone but this time he admitted to having had a one night stand. We started slow and in the last few weeks seemed the two of us were back on track.

Monday I get an EMAIL telling me he feels we rushed things. Asshole dumps me by email. I confront him and find out he has started seeing someone else!!!!!

So now I am a big ball of anger, pain, and jelousy. I thought I was doing better because yesterday I was fine. But today I keep thinking about this weekend.

What is he going to do? Spend it with HER? Take her to our favorite resturant? Curl up in bed wrapped in the comforter I washed last week? Go camping in the tent I bought him? I am CRAZY! And that is really not like me at all. Hell I got divorced and didn't feel like this even when I found my husband living with another woman while still refusing to sign the divorce papers.

And he sent this fucking e-mail:

I am not very good at communicating my feelings verbally so I am going to attempt to explain why I have caused you so much suffering. I know even this doesn't suffice and I apologize. I have spent the last several days trying to analyize things and make sense of everything. I realize I am still a child and there are many things that I need to learn. I still have many demons to face. I am an extremely self-centered and insecure person. This is the most weak, frightened, and unhappy time in my life. It's not fair to bring anyone else into that world. I must atone for the mistakes I have made. I want to be a humble and honest man and I hope I can learn from my past and become a better person.

You have always been able to give and I have taken but could never equally reciprocate. My selfishness has caused you pain and has disappointed you and your family whom I love.

I am sorry for all the hurt I have caused you and for not being able to communicate. I am not asking for forgiveness, but I do hope one day we can be friends.

So he sits here claiming its not fair for him to make anyone else deal with his issues yet he admitted to me he has a new girlfriend?

So yeah after 5 years I actually hate him now. I hope he catches something and dick rots off.